But it still breaks me apart.
I don't know what I want in this crazy, large and stormy world. I am in a sea of my own undoing, wondering hard and wondering long whether my next move would bring pain or suffering to the people I think I care about. I think I care about them, because their smiles, their tears, their gazes mean the world to me. Is that what care really feels like?
Shaken down to the core of my understanding, I sit myself down and reevaluate my happiness and my centre of being; my serenity. I have lived thinking that all that made me happy was the happiness of those around me, but when their actions bring me pain, who am I to blame? Oh, would it all be the same? Is my life an eternal game?
Eternal as it will always be this way.
My end when it comes would be an end to my name.
Beyond that moment, I will not know pleasure, confusion or pain.
If only my mind would forever stay sane.
Would this all turn out okay?
I ramble as I watch her, eyes on her, waltzing in my mind. She has more than one face, which leaves me in a daze, a simple yet elaborate craze of emotions fueled and fiery like the need to get out of an eternal maze. I touch my face, wondering if my smile was still there, would I ever reach there, my hands grasp at a void that was created when I decided not to care.
Yet the blue funk drowns me in my own undoing, the sweet music that played as I pressed START and entered my own mind, my own game, a game of no return;
A shameful way to end my choices made.
Why doth you forsake me.
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