Being Lewis Carroll

I created your world of my old bimblebin 
Shining, glittering with shatrells in within, 
Yet dark are the nights, of jaberwockee ruin, 
Dark are the corpses of my mind's undoing 

Did you enjoy my little poem? A play on words, but a truth forgotten. 
I build your sins and vultruous want, for an evil never begotten
But when my words come alive, who is there to see? 
No one, not my game of five, four two one and three,

Oh Wonderland you ask me how, 
Lewis, may I enter now? 
I warn you one, the magic is greed, 
It's a broken world, my mind which seeds, 

Alice was a young maiden pure, 
She is joyangladest to see you here, 
Yet when my devilions evil traps, your soul, too late, 
You cannot leave my Wonderland here. 

Hark! Welcome to my friverfishing mind, 
A land of narcotics, strong nuf to blind, 
Meet my best concoction, a carnival of horror, 
A smile, a laugh, oh yes, my man the hatter. 

He is only one of a thousand you will find, 
In Wonderland, a trick of my mind on your eyes, 
Let me ellenbreak your souls in kind, 
Now follow the white Rabbit, lest fear leaves you blind


Lest fear eats you alive.

 As it doth gobbledrained young, pure, innocent, Alice.

Last past the gate

There wasn’t so much to say about his current situation. 

Another rolling sound woke him up before sleep could fully claim him, the sound of an aeroplane taking off into the dark skies above the Kuala Lumpur International Airport. It was a flight like any other, an engine sound he knew was different but without the skills or the ear to tell apart. He exhaled a breath of exasperation, at nothing in particular, just his misaimed sense of existence.

He smiled as kids voiced their opinions at everything they saw, their parents not giving a rat’s ass to their noise and banter. Jeremy remembered when he used to be like that, a constant nag at his late mother’s side, but making her smile and beam in happiness all the same. A mother’s love is late in being appreciated, a bit too late in his situation, but when the full effect and the breadth of it hit Jeremy, tears led to a gladness words could not explain. 

He was a truly loved child, and his mother was an angel to him. There was a not a moment of his childhood which he would change, the lessons learnt and the bruises earned. All the kisses of encouragement, and the screams and stern lectures that his mother used to give him was what moulded him and shaped him, which led him to this fateful day.

A bell rang through the speakers, signalling his chance to board his flight. The mood was sombre as Jeremy and the people flying off to Libya left their seats at the gate to walk to the military plane that waited to ferry them. The children saluted him in the best way they could, his uniform riddled with velcroed badges denoting his rank, his successes and his designation. Not only was he one of the First Asian Trapper Squad, elite and dreaded commandos, he was the leader of his squadron. With his lieutenant in tow, Captain Jeremy Woo Chow walked into the skywalk and towards the flight.



He, along with all his squad and people who knew them, did not expect to come back alive from the war. He wished the refugees well. 

Crossing the line

Two shots rang down the open plain. 


Deep breaths, he told himself, just breathe in deeply.
There was no movement in the distance. The futility of war hung heavy in the air as Heinrik De Graas watched ahead, trusting his entire existence to both his close friend Jensen and the clothes he wore. The canyon rose around them imposingly as the sun glared with full, unclouded and unblemished glory, raising mirages ten feet tall, blurring whatever was beyond half a mile.


He shivered.


A passing wind carrying the warmth of the canyon went eastwards, raising up a puff of dust that grew menacingly large, and Heinrik stiffened. He knew they would use the dust as cover, he knew they were next to invisible. He flexed his toes trying to get his blood circulating again, his mind clear and his purpose defined. 

That was when his demons decided to come back to him. 

His body worked on autopilot, not missing a single detail as he lay on the lip of the canyon, the entire expanse of the pass open and visible to him. His mind wandered, faces appearing unbidden, and for a hard, cold man, Heinrik shivered again. The heat did nothing to deter the coldness he felt, a sense of numb detachment of self and morality. He was nothing but a tool, a highly efficient one at that. But the sharper he got, the more blunt became his defence against the souls of the damned. He heard a distant yet distinct click of a rifle.

Trusting the wind and trusting his luck so far, Heinrik stayed still. As soon as the shot was sounded, he felt the ground roughly ten feet to his right erupt in dust with a loud crack. Deep breaths, he told himself, just breathe in deeply.

Jensen, a veteran like Heinrik, did not move either, no reaction whatsoever. He tapped once on the stone with a tiny grey hammer, and Heinrik replied in kind. Using a code they had used over the decade and half of their partnership, Jensen communicated with Heinrik, showing him the origin of the first shot. 

What was war, while nothing but a means of achieving an equally pointless goal? What were soldiers, while nothing but the tools of the big and mighty who sat their small bodies on bloody thrones of cash, gold and fear? He adjusted his scope, following Jensen’s instructions, making minute changes to his aim. What was death, while nothing but an inevitability of life? 

What right did he have,
to play God?

His adversary was good, but not even close to Heinrik’s level. Here Heinrik was almighty, as if the domain of his power bent to his will at his beck and call. Whispering words to sooth his troubled soul, he waited for the wind to settle. He slowed his pulse down to a beat every five seconds. His body was his temple, his mind master of everything within the moment. As his finger slowly tightened over the trigger that drew the thin fine line between a moment of life and the finality of death, he studied his target. The lines of his face hidden behind a yellow shaded mask, the way his body lay behind a set of large boulders and then slightly unprofessional way part of his ghillie flapped in the wind which was why Heinrik assumed his adversary to lack his attention to detail. Here was a fairly proficient soldier, with the same orders as Heinrik, and, given the same chance at survival as Heinrik had, maybe he might be as masterful of the trade as him.

The thought troubled him, his attention thrown awry.

Who was Heinrik? What was his right over the domain of man, the kingdom of heaven? The screams of the damned deafened him.

Two shots rang down the open plain. 

Deep breaths, he told himself, just breathe in deeply. 

Caught in a moment

There was a moment of beautiful solace when they both locked eyes, a moment of slow realisation of a truth they had known all their lives. The moment was short and abrupt, a question left lingering in the air; was this their cue to start their lives anew? Were they to find magic again?

She pocketed the change as she made her way to her seat. Her heart was aflame, a feeling she was not new to, but something she thought she’d never have again. The bus was crowded and she felt eyes on her, watching her every move as she looked for the elusive seat number 14, which in the end happened to be the only seat that was free on the sides. Switching her backpack to the front, she seated herself and wondered as to what was going through her troubled mind. 

He, on the other hand, never knew what real infatuation was before this night. Clocking in at 5 pm on the dot, doing work for minimum wage just so he could leave his dad’s home before he turned 23 this year, he was starstruck, wondering if fairytales took strolls down the world of the common people. His mind was not present while he absently did the work of a conductor on the inter-city Rapid-Transit Service bus number 22. He pressed the button to close the door when he pulled the last perforated ticket, trying in vain not to lift his eyes and gaze at the girl that took his breath away.

She was nervous, fiddling with the straps of her travel backpack. In her confused state of her mind, she did not trouble herself with putting her bag onto the overhead compartment. He noticed it, and he wondered if he should go help her. She got jolted in her seat as the bus pulled away from the curb. His heart yearned for a stolen glance from her bright green eyes, the ones that stabbed his heart with a blade of honey, more sweetness than pain, more yearning than a feeling of helplessness. She watched the urban buildings pass by, giving rise to the open road, a scenery of openness and hope as she ran from home. He saw instead the road that had once given him a dreary routine transform into a myriad of possibilities, a road to a solace he had always wanted.

She passed her forty-minutes by pretending to read a book she brought with her, while he passed his forty-minutes sitting in the conductor’s seat concentrating on the lack of traffic ahead. Thoughts were wheeling, questions left hanging between two points of certainty, where the tempest of emotions refused to show them any clarity.

The brake lights lit their wake as the bus neared the stop. This was a final destination, being the last ride of the day for the inter-city Rapid-Transit Service bus number 22. People with lives as diverse as the millions of combinations of a poker card deck started disembarking, going their separate ways, hoping to achieve what little or big goal they had set for themselves. They usually had no goal to their mediocre existence, yet today, two amongst their number had found their purpose. As she walked up to the door, she hesitated, a thousand answers floating everywhere and she wondered which one would finally settle. 


When his hand touched hers, she found her answer.